I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
