Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
