No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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