U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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