Umm I'm too high to move.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize