Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
