woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
