dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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