i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
