Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
