The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
