Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
