This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im holly from the hills drunk
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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