I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
