dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
