matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
