He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
