I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
