Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
