If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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