this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
