Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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