I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
