my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
