Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
