From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm passing your future prison.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
