I need to stop coming to work sober
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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