Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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