There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
