I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
