mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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