make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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