i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
