Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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