I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
