I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
