I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
