Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
