im gay
i know
yea but for you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
