I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
