I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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