I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
