They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
