so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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