Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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