it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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