Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize