I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize