where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
