I CAN MOONWALK!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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