Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
