does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
