everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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