You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
