I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize