I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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