Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
