I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize