Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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