just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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