OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
