i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Panties = found
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
