fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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