Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
