My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
