I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How's work?
Spinning.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
