so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
