eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize