You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
