I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
