when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
