Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
