Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
