THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
