you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
