it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize