I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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