i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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