seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize