My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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