Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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