census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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