No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize