i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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