Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
