obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
