sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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