I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize