drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
