possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
