he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
