Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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