I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
