Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
