so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
