would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
