btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
