You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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